Key~Notes

I admit it . . . I didn’t post for ages and ages . . . not because I didn’t have anything to say . . . but because I was waiting for at least one comment to be posted.  *sighs* Rather pathetic, eh?

Gets me to thinking about why I blog in the first place.  Do I blog for me, or for others to see me . . . to validate my thoughts as it were?  While the latter is of course, very nice, I need to remember that I blog primarily for me . . . as a way to get my thoughts out in the open.

The last post?  Very difficult one for me to write . . . yet at the same time quite cathartic.  I can see now how the experiences of my past and present have helped shape me into the person I am.  I think she’s a rather nice person and while the growing pains were just that, I wouldn’t change who she/I’ve become . . .

So I am recommitting myself to the upkeep of this blog.  I probably won’t post every day . . . but who knows?  I might!   I’ve even got a plan for the next post though it won’t likely be posted today as it requires me to have a camera with working batteries . . . must put them in the charger!

And I’m going to bring back “Family History Fridays”.  I hope that people will choose to participate in it with me, but if not, I’m going to do it anyways!

Because I blog for me . . . not you . . . :p  But I love ya’ll anyways . . .

OH!  And one more thing . . .

more cat pictures

His name was Josh.  He had brown hair, and I think brown eyes.  Either way, he was cute as can be.  He was the first boy I ever really had a true crush on.

His name was Chad.  He also had brown hair.  He wasn’t particularly handsome, but he was sweet and FUNNY!  He was the second boy I ever had a crush on.

Josh died in a gun accident when he was 15.  Chad was killed in a car accident when he was 16, less than a year after Josh died.

That was a difficult year for the people in my youth group.  We had barely time to finish mourning the loss of Josh when we had to go through it all over again.

I remember hearing the hymn “Abide With Me; ‘Tis Eventide” for the first time at Josh’s funeral.  I cried myself to sleep singing that hymn that night.  The pain over missing Josh was incredible; made even more so because I had seen him at a youth dance about 2 weeks before he died, felt like I should go and say hi, but didn’t.  I think I still have some guilt over that incident to this day.

If I was heartbroken and lost with Josh’s death, I was completely and utterly devestated when Chad died.  I remember hearing the news and immediately thinking that somehow it was my fault.

I had somehow decided that it wasn’t safe for me to have a crush on a guy.  After all, look what happened to Josh, the first boy I ever really crushed on.  And then, when the same thing happened to the second guy I had a crush on . . . well . . . you can see how an overly-dramatic 16-year-old might take things . . .

I bring this up because some of those feelings resurfaced again this week when I found out that a second friend in as many weeks had suffered a miscarriage.  The fleeting thought of “look what happens when you’re friends with me” entered my mind.

Luckily this time, I was able to put that thought almost simultaneously out of my mind.  I understand now that I do not have that kind of power.

It’s interesting.  That feeling of powerlessness came as a relief, and yet also a disappointment.  A relief because I don’t have to worry about how to control the world.  All of that is in the hands of a loving Father in Heaven who knows infinitely more than I do about when people need to leave and enter the world.

At the same time, I wish I had more power.   Not to control the universe . . . , but to help those around me who are suffering and in pain.  My friend that I wrote about in the last post asked me to watch her sons while she was at the doctor’s office this week.  I was happy to be able to do that for her.  That was something tangible I could offer her, as a way to ease her burdens.

This other friend?  Lives quite far away.  I’m unable to go over to her house with a meal, a book, or chocolate . . . to watch her children while she has some down time . . . to give her a great big hug and cry with her.

But I pray for her, I contact her . . . I let her know that when she needs me I am there . . . and then I need to lift her up to her Father in Heaven in prayer, trusting that He who is not powerless will heal her (and all the other) hurting heart.

A few years ago Jenn called for handcrafted items to be donated for a silent auction to raise funds for one of the hospitals down in Utah.  I wasn’t able to donate anything that year, but made it a goal to donate something for a future auction.  Well, this year I made it a priority.

I started out by just making a baby blanket.  I used TLC Baby yarn in Powder Yellow and Powder Yellow Sparkle.  Since this a sport-weight yarn, I ended up using an “H” hook and making the original chain 92 instead of the 62 she’s specified.  It worked up great!

I finished the blanket at Church last month and didn’t have another project with me.  (I crochet in Church meetings to help my mind focus on what the speakers are saying.  I feel fidgety when my hands aren’t busy.)  So, I decided to create a baby hat.  I think it turned out really well.  (The pattern is my own, so if you want it, feel free to let me know!)

So, after that, I had a blanket and a hat . . . of course I needed to make booties to go with!  I looked and
looked and must have started at least 4 different patterns only to rip them apart when things started looking wonky.  I finally found this pattern and fell in love.  So easy and cute . . . as you can see in the picture below:

I’m so pleased with how the “layette” turned out.  I may just end up making one of these every year to donate to the auction . . . hopefully it will bring in a good donation to the hospital!